Fate arranged things so that my birthday falls in the middle of summer — which means the two natural “year wrap-up” points for me (the calendar one and the personal one) are almost exactly six months apart. Convenient!
It’s been a good year. A year ago, I was ready to quit my job into the void — but decided to wait just a bit longer. In the end, I managed to focus on personal growth without being totally destroyed by work. I did a few cool things; and a new job found me by itself — so I left not into the void, but into a proper in-between-jobs vacation :)
Probably the main thing I learned this year is how to let go of control. Sounds irresponsible, I know — but trust me, sometimes I was trying to control things that weren’t even mine to control. Imagine a car where the passenger also has pedals, a steering wheel, and gearshift — but they’re not connected to anything. In that case, it’s better for the passenger to stop staring at the road and yanking the wheel every time they see a pothole. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.
A similar thing — I accepted that I can't think for other people. I used to spend so much energy asking myself, “Has XYZ maybe changed their mind about PQR?” But now I tend to think: it’s XYZ’s job to inform me if they’ve changed their mind. And if we never discussed something — well, it's not my job to guess their stance. I just don’t know it.
This ability to not spin out and try to solve every problem in the world helps me focus on what matters now. That, by the way, is the so-called subtle art of not giving a fuck. It’s not about being indifferent — it’s about priorities. If I know that my company changes its strategy every three months, then why should I rush to finish some analysis after 5pm? I can just do it quickly in the morning and still make it to dance class on time.
Another important — and still interconnected — idea this year: I probably can't change the world. I don’t mean the small stuff like “change starts with you,” I mean globally. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try, but I’d rather change the things I can actually see change. Like, I write texts like this — not to make the whole world slightly better, but because I think they’re good enough to share with people who are already interested in what I have to say.
And even when it comes to people — I’m unlikely to change someone who doesn’t want to change or listen. If I don’t like someone’s character (not just their opinion, but their whole mental wiring and typical actions) — it’s pretty unlikely I’ll ever change them. All I can do is reduce how much space they take up in my life. That’s it.
What definitely doesn’t help change the world or people, though, is whining — even the kind people hide behind “raising awareness.”
“We need to talk about how this company behaves in interviews — just so you know” — whining.
“Now it’s 9 eggs per carton! These corporations don’t care about their LOYAL CUSTOMERS WHO PAY THEM MONEY” — whining.
“Half the country voted for someone who’s under criminal indictment and cheats on his wife” — whining.
Now, I have nothing against whining — I’m basically a whining grandmaster, even JD from Scrubs would be jealous. But the fact is, whining changes nothing. Even if all of Twitter begs, Elon won’t stop the war, Tesla won’t shed a tear, and even Grok won’t walk back his nationalist takes. Not even half of them. But venting? Sure. I’m doing it right now in my year 33 summary — and no shame in that.
So, if I had to summarize my outlook on life in one phrase, it would be:
Change the things you can change, accept the ones you can’t.
And to tell the difference, remember this:
There’s only one person in the world you can make happy — and that’s you.