That’s what makes it different from a request.
Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit for the sake of a catchy title — of course, you can refuse an offer. But the key difference is that a refusal doesn’t hurt the one who made it.
A request, on the other hand, is a completely different story. The one who asks operates from a “bottom-up” position, while the one who offers stands at least on equal ground. In any negotiation, your goal is to catch yourself when you’re asking and try to reframe it into an offer. Of course, there’s no magic pill — and you can’t just turn a request into an offer by rephrasing it. But a request is a great diagnostic sign: it usually points to a weakness you can work on. Below are three real examples from my own life.
Situation 1: Dealing with Anxiety
At first, I was in the “asking” position. I came to a couple of close friends and said: “Guys, I’ve been really tired lately. I’d like to share how I’m doing sometimes because I feel awful and need some support.” If they had said “no,” I would’ve felt even worse — essentially, I had outsourced responsibility for my own emotional state. It happens, but it’s not something you want to repeat too often.
I realized I needed to become my own support system. When anxious thoughts appeared, I started doing the usual grounding exercises — breathing, the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, and so on. It helped; I could think more clearly.
So when the next wave of anxiety hit, I didn’t just ask for help with “I feel bad, don’t know why.”
Instead, I tried to process it first, to understand and articulate what was really happening.By the time the thought fully formed, the anxiety had almost dissolved. At that point, I could simply offer to discuss the situation with friends — as an observer, not as a victim. It wasn’t a cry for help anymore; it was an interesting conversation. A win-win for everyone.
Situation 2: Consulting
As some of you know, I do consulting. And when you want to make money from consulting, you constantly balance between two risks: ask for too little — and you’ll get little; ask for too much — and you might get nothing. The solution — haha — is to offer expensive sessions and be happy when you don’t have to do them, because the saved hour is worth just as much as the earned one. Again, this shift doesn’t happen overnight. It requires confidence in your expertise, other income streams, and/or a financial cushion.
By the way, the first people who took my consultations paid twenty times less than clients do now. So if you want a second product perspective — especially on games — it’ll cost you €150 an hour today. A few years from now, the price may be four digits.
Situation 3: Romantic Invitations
I’m not Superman, friends. There are areas where I still fumble, and one of them is asking someone I like out for coffee or wine.
I often catch myself in the classic meme-dog mode — “Heh, uhm, would you maybe, like, possibly want to, uh, go for a coffee, or maybe even wine, if not that’s okay, just offering, hehe…” You get the idea — it sounds like I’m asking for a royal favor. I haven’t fully fixed this yet, but I’m working on it. Before any new acquaintance, I remind myself of my strengths and achievements — that when I invite someone for coffee or wine, I’m actually offering to meet an athletic, smart, and interesting man. It doesn’t guarantee a “yes.” But it changes how I feel about the “no.”
In closing, I want to emphasize this again: We’re not talking about “the power of words” or anything mystical. If you find yourself asking for something, chances are you really are in a weaker position in that particular area. But repeated requests erode you — because rejection hits your pride, your self-esteem, and sometimes even your opportunities. If you notice you’re asking too often, use that as a diagnostic signal: ask yourself, “Why do I have nothing to offer in return?” and “Who do I need to become to have something to offer?”
Over time, if you keep working on that, your offers will become the kind no one wants to refuse.